Who is it that I really want to be?

So I was talking to some students the other night, and the topic of hot dogs came up. I think it originated from me talking about my delicious Hebrew National beauties that were waiting to be consumed by me-they answer to a higher authority after all. Well, we got to talking about Oscar Mayer and singing the songs. I realized that the well known tune and lyric-"I wish I were an Oscar Mayer wiener, that is what I truly wish to be,..." is maybe the most ridiculous line ever. I mean, I love hot dogs, but why would you want to be processed meat squeezed into a wierd form, slathered in who knows what and then devoured by hungry, nondiscriminate people. Doesn't sound like much to shoot for. I don't want to be chewed up and digested for the brief entertainment or enjoyment or at the very low end, satiation of random people. That being said, the rest of the jingle is very telling. It says that if I was an Oscar Mayer wiener, people would be in love with me. It just made me think of how unhappy we can be with ourselves. This is pretty amazing, that you would prefer being a hot dog and feel confident that you would get more love if you were not what you are now. I know that there are still times in my heart where I wish I had more money, better abs, nicer cars and all sorts of other upgrades. I still pray fairly often that God would just help me to be who He has made me to be and to be excited about that. I guess as long as I don't sink to hot dog aspiration, I will be alright. On a completely unrelated note, Jen and I have taken many pictures and will put them up soon, maybe even tomorrow. We are going to North Carolina tomorrow until Monday for me to attend a conference on the emerging church at Southeastern. It will be great to get away and to see friends since we don't have any here yet.

Reality really

I wonder if the detachment that I often myself living with, contributes to my misunderstandings and frustrations. I think if I was more organically connected with students and the hurts of this world, I wouldn't be so surprised by so many things. I see a major learning curve for Jen and I here. Really getting to know kids and serve them well is high on our list. But I also see that God has moved us to a place where we have no hope apart from Him moving. The truth is that that is where we live all day everyday. And not just in certain areas-in all things. But when things seem to be going alright there is a certain lack of dependence on God for grace for each moment. For my marriage. For my kids. For the students we serve. For my new pastor and the rest of the staff. There are so many needs and challenges that I think it can begin to shut me down a bit. But by the mercies of God, He has shown me that my heart is still to be His and in ever increasing fashion. I was made to enjoy God. I was made to find my greatest happiness and pleasure in Him. I wasn't made to manage my sin and hope I would turn out better. I was made to follow Jesus with all that I am because I genuinely love Him. If this experience and ministry draws my family to a more real place in our hearts where we all have greater affections for Him, that truly is the mysterious mercy of God in my reality.

We love you Jesus!

Sometimes my soul is full of more sorrow than joy. Even though I have been brought into divine intimacy with my sovreign king, I still experience great hurt and disappointment. What is beautiful is that God supplies such sweet balms to and for my soul. In the midst of discovering such ungodliness and soul sickness in the people that God has called us to minister to, Jesus reminds me that He gave us this ministry by His mercy. I have been hurt and scared by the immensity of need that this church and community have to be all that God commands and desires. I have also seen in the face of this difficulty a desire to fix or soothe myself with a myriad of distractions. What God has shown me in the last several weeks has been the emptiness of sin in a fresh way and He has torn away another layer of scales that I might see more fully His glory. Beholding him is transforming me. I am so thankful that my salvation is really God's salvation. He is the author and perfector of it. He is the creator and sustainer of this gracious relationship that we have. I have nothing. Never have. Never will. He has everything and in Christ God has supplied and is supplying all I need for life and godliness. What a joy to know when everything else changes, God is a rock, a fortress that cannot be shaken. We so want to see peoples' eyes twinkle when they hear of Jesus and His grace towards us. We long for the happiness of God to permeate our lives and everyone that we come into contact with. And knowing that we can rest in God who alone has secured us for Himself, we are free to pursue and enjoy Him even in the face of great opposition and pain. To whom who is the beginning and the end, may there be great glory. For us who are His may there be great joy.
Grace and peace